I'm back again. Had a pleasant journey. I'm quite hooked to the swiss language now. Their pronounciation is really adorable. But I wouldn't understand a word without translation. Swiss-German is definitely different. This sign says: you can take a look, but don't step in. (guess it's funnier for native german speakers. But I like it's look as well. That's why I share it with you.)



I used my anonymity to try to doodle on-site. Choosed a starbucks. Not too much new at once, you know. I felt quite nervous. As if I would attack the people's privacy. I even felt more guilty, when my doodles turned out weirdly. I guess I have been so ashamed, I didn't dare to look at the people diligently. I have been afraid, someone would tackle and would like to see, what I'm doing. All in all it really had been a test for my courage. Luckily noone really cared, altough some people surely took notice. In the end I captured this:



click for a larger view

In the future my selection criterion for café's will be a hidden area where I can see everything. Who care's about the taste of the café ;-)

Here's my jazzy blade of grass trumpet player for this week. Wish I felt as absorbed by doing his coloring as he seems to be by his soundproducing. In fact I am in a total hurry. Between packing my things for my short seminartrip to switzerland and doing all the thousand little things (I think) I have to do before leaving, I rustled a little time to create. The watercolor didn't turn out as I planned. At least I can say, if there had been more time, it would look better. (I am honestly convinced by that ;-)

Quite a grave topic, noahsdad suggested this week. That's why I used oil pastels instead of watercolor and ink this time. I had to imprint vigorously, needed to feel the resistance of the paper to express sorrow. The only pitty is, that I'm limited by my scanner. I would have loved to do this much bigger. Non the less, here is my submission for this week:



Luckily there's no reason for me to be sorrowful this week. I now have got a room in a joint practice for psychotherapists. The working people there are realy nice. They are helping me to get started. Guess, it will take it's time, but somehow I am looking forward to this.

Writing my last entry, I deeply felt in touch with the belong to learn and do illustration professionally. I felt like I would abandone a part of me, not doing so. Especially because since I draw again, I feel much more alive and creative. Besides, so many kind words were given to my doodles, I have actually been spurred on. Maybe I had the fantasy, doing illustrations for a main job would light up my life. As if artwork would mean nothing but joy, easyness and selfexpression. Attractions that social education and psychotherapy didn't seem to offer for me.
Now I guess my view has been quite narrowed by the upcoming feelings. I definitely would miss the kind of work I do now. And maybe my urgent wish for doing something completely different had something to do with the fact, that I now should start to offer my services as a psychotherapist ;-). This is part of the training and even though I look forward to do so, it's new ground...

I really admire to know, that there are many talented people out there, who include their passion in their everyday lifes. This is very inspiring. I feel quite hopeful now, confident, that every choice in life has it's meaning. And after going through grief, I know now, that I have not done anything wrong. It's good, as it is, and what will come, will come...

Finally thanks for all the encouraging messages! They really helped me to go through this.

When I was a little girl, I always pretended to fly while I swung. This was real fun.



Back to the ground

Later on, as a teenager I wanted to go to art school. I never really tried, because I have been truly convinced, to not have any chance. With i-fri I got some kind of backflash. All my dreams linked to that came over me, wishing, I could give it a try. I did a very long list, of what I'd like to do in my life. And with sorrow I have to realize, that not everything will be possible the way I dreamed of it. I have to choose and find other ways. What solazes me a bit, is to know, I can bring my doodles into my sparetime life. So my passion has not to vanish. Even though I would love to learn more about colours, printing and even digital illustration.
But I'm glad, that I soon will be able to start my work as a psychotherapist, using imaginations to get in touch with the unconscious. Finally I think this will be my way. And who knows, maybe one day I'm going to illustrate a childrens book...